7 Simple Tips for Successful Reflection

Initially this piece was about meditation but I recognize that though similar what I actually practice is better characterized as reflection. The intent is still to clear the mind and find a peace to exist in however briefly but meditation is often practice with specific goals. Reflection is a better term for what I do because it is intended to give you the ability to claim peace and clarity where it is often lacking. Mediation does this too and if you prefer that practice or already do it please continue!

We would all prefer a peaceful and balanced life. To not be constantly inundated with thoughts of all the stuff you haven’t gotten done or awkward moments that still haunt you. I feel that reflection is a great way to find that balance in your life. A consistent practice could bring you the clarity you have been seeking. 

When you delve into the world of reflection there is a great deal of information out there and some of it can be very intimidating. Many get discouraged by trying it once and having those haunting thoughts flood in. As you are struggling to find the peace and quiet and seem unable, you become convinced that it is something you just can’t do.

You may feel that more attempts would only result in more frustration which defeats the whole purpose. Don’t give up though! It’s rarely perfect the first time, or even the first few times, but there are ways to mitigate the distractions and bring yourself back to your pursuit for balance and peace. It may not fit the perfect picture of reflection and that really isn’t what I am suggesting with these tips. These are the ways I have used to find those quiet moments for myself to sort things out. Some of them may even seem like the opposite of what you have read on reflection. The point is to make you comfortable and take the insecurity out of it so you can find your way there.

Think about it though, how often do you give yourself moments of peace and quiet during the day? Most people are just trying to keep up with the hustle and bustle of life and the only times we have peace and quiet are when we lay in bed to go to sleep. That’s typically when all the thoughts you didn’t have time to think throughout your day come flooding in. 

Also we have made it a practice these days to stay distracted. The internet is right on our phones, and it’s full of content perfect for distraction. I am also often guilty of this, but I have learned, though imperfectly, to try to take breaks from it throughout the day when there is time. Shutting off the TV, putting down the phone to have real conversations or just to give myself a chance to think. The point is without those quiet moments, when we finally do decide to take a few, it makes sense that the thoughts would surge forth at this golden opportunity.

I have been reflecting for years, and, though I follow no particular style or rule set, I have seen great benefits. The more I reflect the more centered and calm I am throughout the day. Taking only 5 minutes, even to just be with yourself in quiet, can make a big difference. Through the years of my informal reflection practice, I have come up with a few ways to get and keep myself on track during reflection sessions. Here are 7 ways to improve your success, even if you have never been able to reflect before.

  1. Before you even start, get yourself in a happy place. A quick way to do this is to think of the things that make you smile, whether it is current things in your life that you are grateful for, or happy memories you still cherish. Think of all the happy things that you can until you are smiling. That’s when you know you are ready.
  1. Many of us are naturally nervous about time and its constraints in general. That isn’t a concern you want to start your reflection session with. Give yourself ample time and don’t rush it. This doesn’t mean you have you to reflect for an hour, it only means that if you feel any anxiety right from the beginning it will make it a lot harder to find that place of focus and peace. If you have a definitive amount of time available to you, set a timer. Then you know that you will finish in the allotted time, and you can let that anxiety go. 
  1. Tell yourself that you are safe and it is okay to take this time for yourself. Say it in your head or even out loud. Sometimes hearing it, even if it comes from you, will make it more real and believable. If you get into position and you feel undeserving of the time you are taking, or you begin to think about all the other things you could or should be doing, tell yourself it is okay to take this time for yourself. Those other things will be there when you are finished, and perhaps the mediation session will give you the clarity you need to get it done.
  1. Try different tools within your reflection, if you feel like a guided session will help the most, use that. If you have a favorite peace-inducing piece of music, listen to that. If you don’t have access to either, a trick I use is, when the thoughts start flooding in “play” a song that makes you happy in your head. If visual art moves you more, picture one of your favorites in your head, but try to make it something that makes you happy. You can focus on that until you feel the intruding thoughts are fading, and lower the volume until you don’t need it anymore. If you are using accompanying music and the thoughts still flood in, find one element (one tone or instrument) of the music to focus on, then expand out as you are able.
  1. Imagine a beautiful place. Imagine you are there and enjoying the scenery. Try to sink into it as much as you can. You don’t have to do anything in that place, just observe and enjoy. You won’t need this tool as much as you get more used to reflection, but if it promotes relaxation and happiness and can keep you calm and focused, then use it.
  1. Listen, observe, but don’t analyze. As you find that place of relaxation and expansion, sometimes insights will pop into your head. This is different from your own personal worries and concerns. When they do, don’t engage. Let these insights come and go, but tell yourself you will remember them after you are finished with your reflection. Just say quickly in your head ‘Help me to remember this’ then let it go. You may lose a few insights in the beginning, but don’t get frustrated; chances are it may dawn on you sometime later, when you most need that kind of wisdom.
  1. Give yourself time after the reflection session to jot down any insights. Even if your time is short, try to spare a minute or two after to write down anything that popped in. If you can spare the time for a full journaling session, that’s even better but not necessary. You can save the analyzation or journaling for later, if that’s what fits your schedule. Journaling may not appeal to you, but it can really help you keep tabs on the progress you’re making. I recommend keeping a record of some kind, even if it doesn’t involve pouring out your soul onto paper.

Hopefully this list will help you tap into the calming and balancing power of reflection. Start slow, if needed, and take it at your own pace. Don’t compare your progress to others; just enjoy the time and space you are gaining to put things into perspective. You deserve it!


Grief is like a Shadow

Grief is like a shadow. Where there was once a bright and warming light in your life, suddenly it feels as if there is only dark. Sometimes it is gradual, like the sun moving across the sky toward nighttime. Sometimes it is like someone closed the door on a capsule that seems to block out all the light that was once there. Either way it is painful and requires time and patience with yourself to find the light again. 

I have watched many beautiful sun’s set. The brightest I had known, set when I was 19 years old.  Though it was expected, the finality of it once it finally happened was immense. There was a confusion for me. How could the world just keep on going when something so significant had happened? How can the world not feel that this giant glorious light was now lacking from the world? I cried a lot of course, but this feeling was perhaps more difficult to wrestle with. I now have to live my life with one of the brightest lights I had known absent. 

Something I learned during this process is that I was entitled to the emotions I was feeling. If I needed to cry, I cried. If I needed to talk, I would reach out. Some people feel that the grief process is something that should happen quickly, something you can get over in the determined socially acceptable period of time. I refused that period of time. I took the time I needed. I was hurt when suggestions were made of getting over it, but I knew that I needed that time and took it without shame. Perhaps it was the influence of who I had lost that gave me the strength to take that time.

Other than time, the thing that provided the most healing in the process was being with people who knew them and loved them. Hearing stories of the wonderful ways their lives had been impacted by them. Though the source of this brilliant light was gone, I could see glimmers of it still alive in others that had once experienced it and remembered its impact. The numerous stories of their kind words and actions lived on in those who knew them and loved them. When these stories were shared, I could feel that light again. It wasn’t the same, nor could it replace them, but it made the darkness I was feeling less like an endless void I would be trapped in forever.

Now, many years later, I don’t wrestle with it the way I did in the beginning. I have aged, I have grown, I see many things differently. I still believe, though, that you must take the time and space you need to get over the pain in the beginning. Don’t let anyone tell you what your grieving process should be or how long it should last. Be gentle with yourself; you will have moments when the pain will resurface unexpectedly, possibly for years. Don’t be embarrassed or feel shame for it. Revel in the wonderful stories and memories you have, and the stories of others. For me this was the greatest way to feel their light close again even if it wasn’t technically in the same room. 

I believe that the shadow cast by the loss of a beloved person in your life is the direct result, even evidence, of how bright that light was. You wouldn’t even notice the darkness if their light hadn’t been so brilliant. You wouldn’t even feel the void of their absence if they hadn’t been such a significant presence in the first place. When you are ready, this may be a point of view that could help. How lucky we are to have these people in our lives, to fill it with their brilliant light. While it seems hard to believe at first, this light is still there, even after they have left, in the people who knew, and shared that light. It may never be the brilliant sun it once was, but it can still be that beam shining through the storm clouds or filtered through trees on a nice day. The connection we have with them may change, but it never truly leaves. So seek it out, for it will be the thing that most heals you.

Speaking your truth: where to start

Our minds are very powerful things. They can take a small idea and turn it into a large idea and even put it into motion in a way that changes the world. This spans across politics, science, invention, art, music, writing – well you get the idea, it can apply to just about anything. Once the ideas come out of our head, are put on paper, is when we find out the reality of them. That is when we first find out if it really is the next big idea. When we write it down and reread it does it hold the same excitement that it did while existing in our head? This is also often the point when you will realize that while in your head it seemed impossible but once you write it out it is possible after all, perhaps not easy but possible. 

In readings, I often advise people to write out emotions when they feel overwhelming, or even speak them out loud when you have time by yourself, if you are angry, sad, or scared. It will change its energy. We all have imaginations ranging from wild to seemingly non-existent. The closer something is to your heart the more your imagination will take hold of it. If it is a source of negativity your mind is likely to turn it into something that feels insurmountable, sometimes rightfully so. 

By writing it out or saying it out loud you are subjecting it to reality. You are also using different processes to analyze the information. If you write it out then read it, your mind can look at it in a different way, if you say it out loud, you can hear it and come to terms with it much more quickly. Also there is a release that happens, even if no one hears you or reads what you wrote it is now planted in reality and you are more likely to face it, also you are acknowledging your emotions, giving them attention and validation.

This isn’t always an easy process, sometimes we have held onto something for so long it has almost become a part of us. Over time it has buried itself in the deep recesses of our mind. It has changed into something we don’t recognize, sometimes it takes work to find the actual emotion. I don’t believe we are meant to be negative beings however. I don’t believe we are supposed to carry these things with us for so long. I don’t believe either that there is no way to come to terms with the emotion and start healing ourselves.

What about situations that seem hopeless? What if someone is diagnosed with a terrible incurable illness, faces inexplicable adversity or hardship, or is in a place of abuse or neglect with no way out? In many of these types of cases there is an uncontestable reality. There can be hope but it seems incredibly dim, practically nonexistent. In these cases I feel it is about prioritizing what you should focus on. It may be a situation that is unlikely to change but staying in a state of fear, or terror will deprive you of opportunities to potentially change the situation. If you never express your negative emotions about it they are likely to eventually overrun the positive ones and in these situations the positive things are especially important. 

If you are going through something hard, please seek professional help. It may feel like you can’t talk to anyone right now, like nothing anyone can say will help or that talking about it will only make things worse. The truth is we need your wisdom and experience in this world, you may end up being the person who pulls the next person out of darkness, you may be the one who teaches the world a new way to look at problems and how to solve them. By not only surviving but healing you may someday be able to heal others. If it seems too hard to reach out to talk to someone then start by talking to yourself or journaling. You may be surprised by the strength you find within yourself and the love you find in the world.

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